Yahoo! News brings us this exciting report of a shoplifter that hired… well seriously… next time get someone that actually knows how to drive.

CAPE CORAL, Fla. – Authorities are looking for a shoplifter who was run over twice by her getaway car after stealing $1,200 worth of designer purses from a Cape Coral store. A T.J. Maxx security guard told police she saw a woman stuff six designer Dooney & Bourke purses into her pants Tuesday morning and walk out of the store. The guard said she was confronting the woman when a car pulled up.

I think the real entertaining part here is where they say “Authorities are looking for”. What do you mean? Seriously a woman gets run over twice and the cops still can’t catch her? wow.

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This Surrey Man decided to steal a JCB and lead cops on a slow speed getaway. What’s a JCB you ask? Click Here. No I’m not kidding. The bloody idiot actually though he could outrun police in that. Heres a clip from the Register’s wonderful article:

A Surrey man who stole a JCB, provoked the “the slowest police chase ever”, shrugged off a tasering and was cuffed only when the mechanical digger shed its tracks was earlier this week convicted of the vehicle’s theft and dangerous driving, the Surrey Advertiser reports.

William Smith, 29, of Nutfield, made off with the JCB from a Worplesdon building site on 13 August last year, the paper reports. A local resident alerted police, who quickly dispatched an Armed Response Unit to the scene. One PC Goddard decided he could dispense with his pursuit vehicle, and gave chase on foot.

He told Guildford Crown Court: “It was probably going at about 10 or 15mph. I was able to keep pace at a fast jog. I shouted ‘Stop, police!’ through the open cab window, but the driver refused to pull over. He looked in my direction and then swerved the JCB towards me.”

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