This Surrey Man decided to steal a JCB and lead cops on a slow speed getaway. What’s a JCB you ask? Click Here. No I’m not kidding. The bloody idiot actually though he could outrun police in that. Heres a clip from the Register’s wonderful article:

A Surrey man who stole a JCB, provoked the “the slowest police chase ever”, shrugged off a tasering and was cuffed only when the mechanical digger shed its tracks was earlier this week convicted of the vehicle’s theft and dangerous driving, the Surrey Advertiser reports.

William Smith, 29, of Nutfield, made off with the JCB from a Worplesdon building site on 13 August last year, the paper reports. A local resident alerted police, who quickly dispatched an Armed Response Unit to the scene. One PC Goddard decided he could dispense with his pursuit vehicle, and gave chase on foot.

He told Guildford Crown Court: “It was probably going at about 10 or 15mph. I was able to keep pace at a fast jog. I shouted ‘Stop, police!’ through the open cab window, but the driver refused to pull over. He looked in my direction and then swerved the JCB towards me.”

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Indulge your fecal fantasies with a doll that craps
Technology has brought many transcendent benefits to our culture, but possibly none have been as consummate in its exquisite magnificence as this holiday season’s nonpareil of elegance, Baby Alive Learns to Potty, a child’s doll that craps.

Surely this darling $60 dumper is the apotheosis of a dream first dreamed by Charles Babbage as he painstakingly constructed his pioneering Difference Engine in the 1830s. “Today a machine can calculate,” he may have dared imagine, “Tomorrow it may think. And some day - we can only hope! - mankind will create a machine that can poop!”

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